i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize