Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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