Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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