And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
