so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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