The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
