Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
