We're like a lot better than the average bears
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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