everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
