I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
