Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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