So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
