Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
