we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no, he came in my armpit
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
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Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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