this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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