I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
