google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
