Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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