dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
