I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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