WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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