I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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