She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
