He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
