who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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