i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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