i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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