If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
