I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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