one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
