I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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