tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You smell like stripper and shame
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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