If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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