all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
