Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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