I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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