Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize