Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
