oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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