I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
