Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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