you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
