He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
