he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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