dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i drank out of a bidet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
