Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
