New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
