party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
