areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
