I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
