He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
