I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize