I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize