You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize