my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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