Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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