I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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