remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
