Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize