There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
