Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was like his penis was on wheels.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
