Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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