There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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