Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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