He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize