So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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