Already got asked if we're dating
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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