Nicole vs. Life
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
