guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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