For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize