North Korea, Best Korea!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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