Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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