24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
